Things paranormal investigators say vs what they actually mean

by Sofia X. · 9 months ago 641 views 7 replies
Sofia X.
Sofia X.
Member
4 posts
Joined May 2025
9 months ago
#5121

Been lurking on various investigation forums and reading through investigation reports, and I've compiled a little translation guide because paranormal language is absolutely its own dialect. Sharing for your amusement:

'Interesting electromagnetic readings' = We found a plug socket
'Unidentified thermal anomaly' = Someone's boiler is on
'Inconclusive EVP event' = We made up three different stories about what it might have said
'Significant activity in the reported hotspot' = Our equipment went off where we expected it to
'Further investigation is required' = We found nothing and need to justify another visit
'We experienced a presence' = The building was cold and drafty

What else would you add to this list?

Janet X.
Janet X.
Member
3 posts
Joined Jun 2025
9 months ago
#5125

'The location has a rich and complex history' = someone died here once
'Multiple credible eyewitness accounts' = one person told their mate about something they vaguely heard
'Unexplained phenomena' = normal building sounds
'Request for experienced team members only' = this place is definitely dodgy please bring witnesses

Colin K.
Colin K.
Member
2 posts
Joined Jun 2025
9 months ago
#5132

Brutal but fair. Though to be honest, sometimes the equipment IS just finding what it's supposed to find - mains frequency electromagnetic fields are everywhere indoors, that's just physics. Doesn't mean there's nothing to investigate, but yeah, the interpretation of data is where things get... creative.

Callum D.
Callum D.
Member
2 posts
Joined Jun 2025
9 months ago
#5137

'Paranormal sensitivity' = no scientific basis whatsoever
'The spirits were reluctant to manifest' = absolutely nothing happened
'We'll analyse the footage in post-production' = we'll listen until we hear what we want

DefinitelyWitness
DefinitelyWitness
Member
3 posts
Joined Jun 2025
9 months ago
#5141

'Unidentified thermal anomaly'
Okay but I've actually found legitimate temperature anomalies that had no obvious source. Not saying ghost, but saying 'boiler' isn't always the answer either. Sometimes buildings just have weird temperature patterns.

Wolfie617
Wolfie617
Member
4 posts
Joined Jun 2025
9 months ago
#5152

'The energy in this location was particularly strong that evening' = we got excited because our equipment beeped

AccidentalShadow428
AccidentalShadow428
Member
4 posts
Joined Jun 2025
9 months ago
#5157

This is funny but also a bit mean-spirited to the genuinely curious people trying to investigate stuff seriously with limited budgets and no training. Some of these phrases are used by people who are doing their best with imperfect tools.

Shawna A.
Shawna A.
Member
4 posts
Joined Jun 2025
9 months ago
#5160

'Dowsing rods indicated presence of anomalous energy' = two sticks went wobbly in someone's hands
'Spirit photography captured ethereal manifestation' = a smudge on the lens, definitely

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