Paranormal researcher starter pack

Right, I've been in this community long enough to notice we all follow the same bizarre pattern. Thought I'd compile the definitive paranormal researcher starter pack:

Essential equipment: EMF meter you don't really understand how to use properly, thermal camera you've watched exactly one tutorial for, audio recorder with three AA batteries (always only two working), torch with a dead bulb that you keep forgetting to replace, tripod held together with gaffer tape.

Clothing: Black hoodie (essential for blending in with the night, absolute nightmare for thermal imaging), hiking boots from Decathlon that are either pristine or covered in moor mud with no middle ground, torch strapped to head making you look like a demented miner.

Behavioural patterns: Spending £400 on equipment then investigating car parks because you're too intimidated to contact actual location owners. Absolutely certain you captured evidence on last week's investigation, conviction wavers by next week. Firmly believes your particular research technique is correct, all others are rubbish.

Am I wrong though?

This is painfully accurate. I've got three torches with dead bulbs right now. THREE. And I keep buying new ones instead of just changing the batteries. Also the 'absolutely certain about evidence that disappears upon review' is the most relatable thing ever. We've all been there.

Spending £400 on equipment then investigating car parks

Ouch. That hit too close to home. In fairness though, contact location owners can be genuinely intimidating, especially if you're new to the community. Still doesn't excuse investigating Tesco car parks at 11pm pretending it's paranormal research 😅

You've missed the essential uniform requirement: at least one piece of clothing with 'paranormal' or 'cryptid' on it from a dodgy Etsy shop, usually poorly fitting. Also the absolute necessity of complaining about the weather on every single investigation. It's either raining (water on the camera), too cold (battery drain), or too humid (condensation).

The gaffer tape comment killed me because it's so accurate. My torch has more tape than original plastic at this point. Also missed: the tendency to overcomplicate simple investigations and then overcomplicate the explanations even more. Sees car park at night, immediately assumes multiple paranormal factors in play.

Pretty fair assessment if slightly unkind 😂 In my defence, some of us ARE trying to do this properly - read the methodology forums before you judge too hard! But yeah, the 'convinced of evidence for exactly 7 days' thing is painfully universal. That's when you first watch the footage, before you actually analyse it properly.

Missing: absolute certainty that 'this one's different though' when showing footage to mates who clearly don't see anything. Also the obligatory 'I'm not a crazy person' disclaimer at the start of every investigation report, said by someone wearing night vision goggles in a graveyard at 2am.