"My house is definitely haunted" starter pack

Just made this and thought you lot might appreciate it:

✓ Creaks that are "definitely not the house settling"
✓ One cupboard that opens itself, which is definitely the ghost and not dodgy hinges
✓ Sudden cold spots that appear for exactly 45 seconds
✓ A pet that stares at seemingly empty corners (very normal pet behaviour, definitely not)
✓ Something moved 2cm to the left at some point
✓ Weird noises at 3 AM (the exact time ghosts prefer)
✓ Blames everything on a poltergeist before checking the boiler
✓ "I can feel a presence" = one time felt a bit spooked
✓ Refuses to record video evidence because "ghosts don't like cameras"
✓ Lives in a house built before 1950 (therefore automatically haunted)
✓ Someone died in the house 70 years ago (definitely still hanging around mad)

Feel free to add more lol

✓ Every creepy story gets more elaborated with each retelling
✓ "I'm not trying to be dramatic but..." followed by extremely dramatic interpretation
✓ Asks strangers on the internet if their house is haunted instead of calling a surveyor
✓ Gets annoyed when skeptics suggest rational explanations
✓ Has named the ghost "Friendly Fred" or similar

This is actually quite mean-spirited? Some people have genuinely terrifying experiences. Just because you're skeptical doesn't mean everyone else is delusional or making stuff up.

This is actually quite mean-spirited?

Missing: ✓ "I've done a lot of research" = watched one YouTube video
✓ Thinks their house is more haunted than Borley Rectory
✓ Absolutely refuses to consider any non-paranormal explanation

Honestly this is pretty accurate and funny. Some people do get a bit carried away with interpreting normal house stuff as paranormal. The key is probably whether you're actually curious about rational explanations or just committed to a haunting narrative.