Chart: How to tell if your haunting is paranormal or just living in a student flat

Been laughing about this all morning:

MYSTERIOUS KNOCKING SOUNDS
Paranormal: Three even taps at 3:33 AM
Student flat: Your neighbour's bedframe at 2 PM on a Tuesday

OBJECTS MOVING ON THEIR OWN
Paranormal: Your keys appear on a shelf you never use
Student flat: Mice. It's always mice.

UNEXPLAINED COLD SPOTS
Paranormal: Precise 2-metre diameter circle of supernatural chill
Student flat: The radiator's broken, mate

DISEMBODIED VOICES
Paranormal: Whispering in an unknown language
Student flat: Someone's blasting drill music from three houses away

SENSE OF BEING WATCHED
Paranormal: Overwhelming presence of malevolent intelligence
Student flat: Your landlord checking the security camera because the rent's due

Honestly, living in a Victorian terrace in Yorkshire has ruined me for genuine paranormal investigation. Every creak could be a ghost, or it could be 150-year-old floorboards and structural settling. How am I supposed to know?

Missing one:
SUPERNATURAL ODOURS
Paranormal: Sulphurous, otherworldly reek of evil
Student flat: Someone's cooking beans at midnight and your entire building pays the price

The radiator one got me proper laughing. I once convinced myself my flat was haunted for a week before realizing the heating system was just incredibly poorly balanced. Spent £40 on a paranormal investigation torch before the plumber sorted it for £60.

This is why I live in a modern new-build. Zero paranormal activity, zero personality, zero chance of explaining anything mysterious to skeptics. Trade-off I'm willing to make.

"Mice. It's always mice." should be the tagline for 60% of paranormal investigation shows honestly. How many poltergeists are actually just vermin?